A song this morning in worship says "I'm falling on my knees... this is what my heart is living for". I began to wonder if, like Job's four "friends" contended, that I have committed some sin in my life to cause this stress of unemployment. And I wonder what it is that my heart is living for. I am beginning the doubts and paranoia and anger that I hoped would not rear it's ugly head.
I have been on interviews that I felt on top of the world afterwards, only to find the door, not only closed, but locked when I tried to re-enter. I am really unsure now if a job is even going to happen. It used to be when; now it is why. Why does it not happen for me. I look around at everyone going to and coming home from a job and I wonder why I am not among them. Everyone says it will happen but they are not the ones on the outside looking in and I always sang the lyrics "I don't want to be. I don't want to be the one caught on the outside". Granted, my last interview has not been logged in the books as a yea or nay. My life is already in place and accepting it as a nay.
I feel close to God. Each day is is "draw me close to You" and each day I feel closer. My prayer life is without ceasing. My thoughts are its all about God. But, is there some sin keeping me from...?
It is a fall day but we are still among the days of summer. I love the feel of a chill and a cool breeze blowing across my face. It bring s a smile that seems to dry my eyes. May God's blessings and grace wrap around all of my followers and readers. Listen to Him, talk to Him, and more importantly be still and know Him. God loves you.
Me.